With all the excitement circulating around the bride and what she wants….has anyone remembered that this is also a special day for the groom? After all, he is getting married too. Why do we always assume that the groom doesn’t want to be involved in the planning of his wedding? Sure, there are plenty of guys out there who could care less about the color of the flowers and linen, but I have a feeling that there are also some out there who care about several aspects of their special day and would love to be included somewhere in the process.
I bet you’re wondering where all this pondering is coming from? Well, it’s happened quite suddenly actually. I am a wedding planner and I decided to invite my husband to attend an industry function a few days ago. His role in the business is usually confined to the day of the wedding, as the event manager, making sure our staff and vendors are doing their jobs well. This was his first time attending such an event, but I must say he was very attentive and interested in all the excitement. The place was brimming with brides, vendors, and media.
As we were leaving the event, we inquired with event staff about receiving our swag bags and we were told that vendors do not get these bags—only brides. Okay…sounds reasonable, however, my husband slyly said – hey I’m a groom – do I get a bag? He was promptly told “Of course not. We don’t care about grooms—only the brides matter!” Wow! Talk about a wake-up call. You see, during this event, we noticed quite a few grooms in attendance. We thought it was pretty cool seeing these guys walking around engaged in the process. Wouldn’t it have been nice to offer something nice to the grooms for showing up – and mind you, this was a paid event. This blatant disregard for grooms had both of us talking for quite a while.
As a wedding planner, I've seen grooms say everything from: "Just tell me where we are getting married and I'll show up".....to...."I want to help you choose the wedding dress and hairstyle" (ummm....red flag--control issues on that last one!)
So, we’ve decided to ask everyone to weigh in on their thoughts about grooms. What do you think? I’d like to hear from you. Should we continue to assume that the guys could care less about any of it? Or should brides start asking for their fiancee’s input? My opinion: give the men a choice from the very beginning. If your groom’s only desire is to pick out the transportation and the DJ, let him have his say, and don’t nag him with all the other details that he could care less about. You get to pick whatever you want and he can’t complain. However, if he’s interested in collaborating about your theme, colors, etc., don’t exclude him. He’s taking this day seriously and you should be happy that he’s involved. Whatever the outcome, it just makes sense to be gracious and consider your groom’s feelings. This will give him a good idea of what he can look forward to in his new life as your husband….something to think about ladies!
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